Letting Go ~ 4 Ways Control Sabotages Success

Letting go is one lesson that I’ve struggled with.  It's one that I’ve learned so many times, only to completely forget the next time I start trying to micro manage things, finding myself stuck in the details.

Even as a free spirit, this can be a hard habit to break, because we're conditioned to think we need to be in control all the time.

For me the biggest challenge is when I'm moving in a new direction - feeling a little unsure and out of my comfort zone.  My conditioning jumps in and my inner control freak appears, trying to force things to happen the way she thinks they should.

She's only trying to protect me of course, but the outcome is always the same.  I get into a spin and usually end up overly complicating things.

Whenever you decide to change something, even the decision to drop the mask and show up more authentically in the world, that's when, paradoxically, the need to control everything strikes.

The natural tendency at this point, is to think that you need to rule yourself with an iron fist, making sure you adhere to your chosen decision and don't deviate off the plan.



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You’ve already done that bit by making the decision.

The next step is to let go. 

It feels counter intuitive I know, but it works… and it sets you free from having to be a bit crazy around your every move.

What you’ve actually done by all of the above, is you’ve set an intention and what happens next is where the magic is.

Whilst you should definitely check in every now and then, especially when you’re just starting out, you need to build up trust that you’ve got it handled and everything is going according to plan.

Just by setting the intention, by working out the details beforehand, such as the new job you want to find, or the budget you set to save for your holiday, you have programmed your subconscious mind towards the outcome you want.

Your brain is essentially a goal seeking tool.  As long as you are clear in your directions as to what you want to achieve, your subconscious mind will automatically look for ways to make your goal happen in as short a time frame as possible.

All you need to do is get out of it's way, and check in when you hear some alarm bells ringing to make sure you're still in alignment with your intended outcome...

Mike Dooley, who writes the ever popular Notes From The Universe, talks about not messing with the ‘cursed hows’. 

By this he means that we just set our intention to manifest our vision and then trust that the Universe knows the best way forward.  Our only job is to follow our intuition and act on it when called, so that opportunity and synchronicity can come our way.

I tend to believe him because I've proved it to myself.

Letting Go vs Keeping Control

Here's what I know about that feeling of having to control everything to the last detail, and why that only slows you down and stresses you out.

ONE You rely totally on yourself and your conscious mind to ‘work it all out’, which means you are having to decide on every last detail… driving yourself nutty in the process 

TWO  You lack trust in yourself to actually pull this off so you’re always second guessing yourself and re-analyzing everything.

THREE  You don't tap into that unseen force that has your back.  Whether you call it the Universe, God, Spirit, All That Is... there is a part of you that is connected to this force, and that has a view far larger than your conscious mind can comprehend.  Handing your problem over releases you from having to always 'be in control'.

FOUR  When you micro-manage your life even small decisions can cause stress and indecision.  Instead of clearly thinking through your options, your mind becomes a whirl of scarcity thinking and uncertainty, sometimes even about minute details (should I wear my black top or the blue one?).

Whilst your mind is whirling around it’s impossible to:

  • Make sense of anything
  • Clearly capture a thought and make clear decisions
  • Know what it is you really want or need at that point

If you find yourself spiraling into this kind of mind fog, its time to practice letting go.

Just stop everything.

Stop the ‘trying’ to decide which is the ‘right’ way

Stop the mind numbing comparisons between this and that – analysis paralysis.

Stop forcing a decision at lightening speed – I have to do it NOW!

Stop listening to everyone else

Just. Stop.

Clear your mind by doing something else – preferably something fun

Often, if you’re anything like me, you may have to force yourself to walk away from the situation.  But it’s imperative that you do because the more you try to fight your way through the confusion and resist letting go, the longer it will take to gain clarity.

If you just surrender and forget about it for a few minutes or hours (maybe even a day or so), the fogginess clears and suddenly a new way forward appears.

This can take time sometimes, so don't force things, just forget about it for a while.  If no clear path forward shows itself, it’s best to wait until inspiration bubbles up before you make your next move.

Letting Go Means Being More In Control

The amazing thing is, by letting go you will actually feel more in control and you’ll definitely make the decision faster than if you push through… You appear to slow down in order to speed up.  All the noise has sunk to the bottom and something precious, perfect and simple appears in it's place. 

You will also make better, more balanced decisions for sure!

So next time you feel your inner control freak acting up… practice letting go and let the magic unfold...

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