I recently read an article about self judgement, that inner critic that continually gives you a hard time, often about things that happened so long ago they’re not even relevant any more.
It struck a chord because I see so many people walking round telling themselves stories about themselves that are just not true. I’ve certainly been guilty of that.
Self judgement is the cause of negative self talk… It can come from anywhere, something we judge ourselves to be lacking in, or something that someone else said to us.
It comes from the bullying at school, the divorce of your parents when you were 7, being called fat by a jealous classmate, or always being picked last for the sports team. You told yourself a story about that and you made it all about you and then you continue to judge yourself as unworthy, hopeless or fat from then onwards.
We then create a conversation about it to ourselves and unless we become conscious of it, it just plays over and over in a loop and it becomes part of who we are. Then we get surprised when things that align with that come into our lives.
But of course we live in a vibrational universe and so any time we start emotionally investing in certain things that people have said to us, or that we said to ourselves, we’re going to be attractive to things that align with that.
It costs us so much, we are completely blind to our own beauty and only focus on some perceived flaw that probably doesn't even exist.
Self judgement really is a debilitating mental condition that has people living in a private hell 24 hours a day.
When it comes to money we have lots of stories to tell ourselves about how unworthy we are. Very few of us received much, if any, training about how to handle it when we were younger, so we had to learn through trial and error.
On top of this, money is a highly emotive issue, it affects all areas of our lives, inner and outer. It brings up feelings around self esteem, security, and basic survival issues. So with such a loaded subject we are very likely to be highly sensitive around any bad experiences, or criticisms from others.
When I was much younger, just starting out, I got into what I thought at the time was big debt with a credit card because I just kept spending on it and eventually couldn’t pay the minimum repayments. I got a huge fright and then judged myself as ‘bad with money’. Luckily for me, I used that experience to make sure I never did it again… but I was still stuck with the self judgement of being ‘bad with money'.
Which leads me to...
The simple answer to self judgement is to accept ourselves exactly as we are.
In order to move forward and rid ourselves of this affliction of talking down to ourselves or believing something that somebody probably said as throwaway comment, we need to accept the mistakes we made, but also the fact that we believed lies that someone else told us..
So back to my story about my credit card. Once I realized what I was doing, I had to accept that yes, I had made a mistake with that card, continuing to spend on it without really knowing how much I owed.
But that was a LONG time ago and I was very young, it was my first credit card. Now I would never do something like that, so I cannot possibly continue to tell myself that story, and so I stopped. I then began to make a note of all the good decisions I’d made around money since, and found that in fact the statement ‘I’m bad with money’ was so far from the truth it was laughable.
years and years after the credit card situation, I got into another
problem with money. This time more serious. I made some very bad
decisions whilst in business and ended up nearly going bankrupt. So back
came the story again…
I was so angry with myself, I couldn’t forgive myself. It made my life very difficult for a while and I re-instated the self judgement about how bad I was with money, except I added 'stupid' to the criticism as well. You know how it goes.. "How could you be so STUPID!??"
Luckily, because of my previous situation, it wasn’t too long before I
realized what I was doing and that this time as well, it was just a lack of education. Intrinsically I’m
not bad with money at all, In fact I’m actually really good at managing
my money. But I wasn’t very experienced in business, and I’d made some
bad decisions, which had affected me financially.
And so I accepted the situation, accepted that I did the best that I could at the time and that next time I would do everything very differently.
Because I accepted it, the self judgement stopped. I was able to forgive myself and start living now rather than looking over my shoulder with regret every day.
Panache Desai says the following:
So today, decide to choose one thing that you judge yourself harshly about and accept it. It could be you didn’t finish school, your fat thighs, you didn’t get the pay raise you wanted 4 years ago, or your first boyfriend rejected you. You’ve made a self directed judgement around that and you continue it to this day.
You probably have lots of things that you judge yourself about, but just choose one today and decide to accept it.
When you start to do this, accept your self judgements in this way, the energy begins to flow again and the more you do it and the more you open up and the more you love yourself, the more you realize that you’re judging yourself harshly and in most cases completely erroneously. Then the story can fall away and you can become one of those proud, glowing goddesses, with or without your hands on your butt!
And when you’re in that space you can create your life any way you choose. You can take off the mask, show the real you to the world and live the life you're meant to live..